I want to dance, 
like in a trance
but can't find the beat


I want to fly,
into the wide open sky
but can't find the wings


I want to dream, 
of things that don't seem
but can't find the colours


I want to speak out,
no one will hear; that loud
but can't find the words


I want to run, 
into the dark unknown
but can't find my feet


I want to see 
beyond the present
but can't find a torch


I want to cry, 
like a small hurt boy
but can't find the tears


I want to laugh, 
with my heart more than half
but can't get the joke


I want to live my life, like me myself unbridled
but it seems I left myself somewhere behind
if you find him, tell him to come home, coz I miss him!

rah ke us mod par!

अहसासों के उन पलों में सोचता हूँ..

कुछ रोमांचित,कुछ दुःख से भरे

कुछ पुरानी यादों के साये में बुने,

हर पल अपने में एक भाव व्यक्त किये हुए...

 हर उस पल में संतुष्ट हूँ.. असंतुष्ट हूँ..

मैंने पलों को कोसा हैं, उनको सबसे यादगार बनाया है,बताया है...

पर क्या उन पलों ने मुझे थामा है,

क्या उन पलों के लिए ही मैंने जीया  है

...मैंने हर अगले पल को अपनाया है,

और फिर किसी पल को अपने पास पाया है.

तो क्यूँ मैं करूँ किसी पल का घमंड या बैर

जब इन पहलुओं से भरी ज़िन्दगी में

हर मोड़ मुझे नयी संवेदनाओं राहों को पाना है!

पुराने पलों को तो बस यादें बन रह जाना है!

 

A Beautiful Mind!

A new phase of life,
Was trying to fend off the lean period,
A breeze of air brushed me,
a carefree; pure ; a beautiful mind!
The never-before cupid had struck me..

Next chapter in my life, I am so happy.. :)
new people around,dunno why people staring at me(aah so naive...)!
new friends,things to learn,its so good...
Yee..my family,my friends,life full of myself...am going so great..:)

There is this strange pull,it feels so good!
Am confused to fall but I feel am already fallen into it.....
Its another new chapter, and I am so happy...:)<...:)..>
Its all so good and makes me happy!!

>

 

That touch,that smile,those talks so heavenly...

I was missing something,I have found love for sure.... :) <..:)..>

Its time to realize,this isn't mine

I have to live with it,I want to 

snatch it away but its beyond me...am sad.. :( <..:(..>

well holding on so distant so far!

Still holding on,its too subtle a bond..

there are fights,arguments and blames

which were previously shielded in a sheath of love!

but something just doesn't give away!

I hold on to its crumbling threads!

A new hand,a new voice,it feels so good!!..:)..

Its hard to hold on,break these threads and apart it goes...

I am happy,I wish to grasp it all

But again its not worth it all! .. why..:(...

there are voices and screams   

why the hell doesn't it go away , I detest it,please go away!

(its a new world in my eyes!)

I want this dream but I can't...am sad .. :(!

Unawares I cry,I break..its gone..it was never mine!!

I try to live it out but things come to choke me more.

I scream,I cry ..I call out...

I mend my views,my opinions..

I have that hand,that voice and am happy!! :)<...why??...>

still there are screams,the voice... I detest it.. I don't need it anymore...  :( < a simple mind fighting  with desire to get love and avoid love> 

But its fine,i have to move on...am sad!! :(  <..:(...why??..>

I still try to grasp,its a bond too beautiful to just let go away  !

I still wish to hold on and be there,with a different view....and I cry and scream!

But no answers and I can just ask:

Why me...O Beautiful mind,Why me!! 

..

There is Your whisper, Your silhouette!

but no where i find You..
I still feel You
so close I am to You
I wish I could steal You...

"You will keep talking to me
and I will sit and see...
never disturbing the moment
will just hold the innocence.."

I wont again ever run away..
then have the reasons anyway
I don't regret what ever happened
though I wish someway..

it can be undone...

Walking along the stream...
in the sand  bare foot
You were  my only dream
and then i will take a rest...

all these talks will go on..
I know its past and all gone
crowded may be but
will meet the world all alone

There are mistakes
i wont repeat..
but it is the basic me...
I cant cheat
may be again... if I see You..
and by grace I get u..
I am not sure I wont lose You!

You are the soft touch of,
morning light!
You are the love that embraces
every night!
I have learnt just the obsession
and never wish You in my possession!

better I am left with my passion
like a wanderer of the sea
wishing the land with every season
and going away just like me..

I HAD A DREAM!

I saw a smile…and all my worries flew
Those sparkling eyes said a million things!
She gave me a glance and I was wow!
My mind went blank
I was left speechless....
'I had a dream,I saw you...'

It was a crowded place 

still it was just me and you...
I could feel my heart beating faster…
I could feel d blood flowing through my veins...
It was something extremely NEW…
'I had a dream,I saw you...'

Blindfold

There is chill in the air,
there is coldness in heart,
the blood is freezing,ceasing a flow..

The mind is a battlefield;
a fight between the 'Saints of love'
riding on the horses of Utopian past
and 'Demons of Reality' who fly around..
on multiplying "wings" of never ending realizations and imaginations

The life seems so still,so never moving!
The eyes are faltering, they won't listen
my knees weak, but I am running
shackles, they just won't break...
I fall down, am hallucinated!!

There is a 'Corona' , it seems so beautiful
a vague image....'You'!!
I am soothed, I feel good, the Saints seems to have there way!

But the Demons get new wings:they are flying across..
much mightier much stronger..
the Saints are falling, the blood has ceased,m chokin!!
the 'pain' makes me plead to the "Angel"..it fades away n away!

My world bursts into flames!!!
The Saints have gone, the Demons have taken their place...
My mind is conquered,but it seems in peace; the Demons
giving me strength, the shackles breaking!
I feel stronger and clearer,the Demons coming closer;the voice screams:
"..... You lived a lie"

My eyes wide open, I can see a new " world"
Its so beautiful,its good!
I look for demons and there are only Saints
The voices keep telling me:
" A Blindfold my son, its over.....
the Saints have won.... :)"

collage!!

open eyes,faded view..
mind boggles,what,s new!!
repetitive collage..
some aged some new!!
pictures of perspectives..
fighting out to prove your righteousness!!
blended with colors of guilts
egos and corrupted views..

a kaleidoscope of my views,my life
my ideologies seems so bright!!
its still so fague so mystified
but appears so beautiful & upright...

a never so ending war with myself...
i blame it on they n Thou..
people moving around,each
with a view,with a plight..
spectacled is me,lenses are vivid
its there view not mine!!!
images..these lenses...
my memory so adaptive!!!
these are the collage!!!..

then who m I??
i answer it everyday..
the answer is so different!!
its different everyday..
indeed m a collage..
of my world outside..

i close my eyes..
the collages fighting !!
but beyond it,is a dark dark darkness..
no perspective no view..
just peace of mind!!
can i remain in this darkness?
eyes open...
no way out!!!
m here to collage...
n be collaged!!!
-greymater